Sometimes when you get hungry, nobody's there
to help you. That's when you gotta go to the supermarket, buy lots of random
on-sale items, and throw 'em all over a flame.
Here we'll show ya'll how to
do it without any meat (That means no salmonella for you, and no botchulism
for her.)
For added risk, try some canned ham with an expiration date in the early
90s. Avoid cans that appear to have oxidized thoroughly, as the moisture
tends to evaporate through the holes, leaving you with crunchy but otherwise
useless flaky black gunk.
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Worm's
Culinary Catastrophe
Ingredients:
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 Fantomas CD
8 ounces cubed extra firm tofu
4 tablespoons soy sauce
1 small white onion
1/4 cup peanuts (optional)
2 tablespoons minced
garlic
8 ounces chopped broccoli
8 ounces baby corn
2 tablespoons corn starch
dashes of basil, ginger, oregano, and tarragon
Cooking Instructions:
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Warm olive oil in large frying pan
over medium heat for five minutes. |
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Put Fantomas CD in stereo.
Play track 1. Add tofu cubes, soy sauce, chopped
onion, and peanuts. |
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After tofu has browned, add minced
garlic and broccoli, stirring occasionally. If you start feeling ill,
turn off your stereo immediately or switch to a Buckethead
CD. |
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When broccoli begins to soften, add
baby corn. |
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Add corn starch, sprinkling it evenly
throughout so that it absorbs excess moisture. |
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Season
with basil, ginger, oregano, and tarragon. |
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Remove from heat. |
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Say grace if your religion warrants
it. |
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Serve with a cup of green tea. Eat
Eat Eat, and lick the platter clean. |
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